A few comments from dad
I know you were promised some insight from Elizabeth and it will come soon but I thought you might like to hear what goes through this new dads mind.
It's true, there is no real schedule to follow anymore. All of you that laughed at my comments
about settling into a routine were correct. And yet, there are many things I can count on now, even if you don't call it a routine.
1st, A smile always welcomes dad home! Whether from work or from just being outside I can count
on brightening someone's day just by walking into a room. Andrew and his 2 tooth grin or Elizabeth
and her happy snort tell dad that trouble lies in his future, How will I resist giving in to them?
Sometimes "mommy" is the one glad to see me. Glad there is another there to help bear the demands of our 2 little "Angels"!
Or sometimes when I come home the kids are asleep but the same principle
still holds true, someone's day is still brightened. "MINE" I can still go sneak a peek at our resting storms. How could that not melt you?
2nd, I can always count on certain questions when we meet people. Now before I tell you the questions I should give the disclaimer that I have probably asked the same type of questions and I understand why people do it. It's kinda like forgetting someone's name that you met 20 seconds ago. You didn't forget because your an idiot or insensitive (or both), You forget because instead of actually listening to the other person you are thinking about what you plan on saying the next time you get to speak.
With all that out of the way, I'll give you the typical 1st meeting.
Them - "Those children are absolutely adorable!!"
us - "Thank you very much"
Them - "Are they twins?"
Us - "No, they're 3 weeks part."
them - "So, are they brother and sister?"
Now this is the part I mean about planning what you say without thinking first. The answer is of course yes they are brother and sister but not how they mean it. They did not have the same birth mother. Or if they did she must have had quite a time in those 3 weeks that separate our kids ages. But they are now and will always be brother and sister.
The next thing people ask that confuses me is about whether the kids have started speaking in their native language yet. I wonder what they think their native language might be. Children learn what they hear and all they hear is English. Just because they were born in Kazakhstan doesn't mean they automatically know that language.
I hope nobody reading this takes offense, We find all of this very humorous and like I said, I have done the very same thing, asked questions like,
"do you know anything about her/his REAL mother/father." I thought I was just showing interest but I wonder how the "fake" parents felt about it.
3rd, I really love my kids. I always knew I would but until we were together I never understood how much. For now, Andrew and I have kinda teamed up and of course Elizabeth and Holly have become quite literally "joined at the hip". In a pinch or "crisis" either of us will do but if they are allowed to choose, that is how they prefer it. Someday I plan on making Elizabeth a daddies girl. But for now at least I will let Holly have her turn.
Make no mistake,,,These are our kids. We are their real parents. I believe God sent them to us just as sure as I am that he sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins! It just took us a little while to find each other. (It's a big world you know!)
Sometimes at night Andrew, or more recently Elizabeth will awaken us with their cries.
No parent wants their child to be afraid, but neither do they want them spoiled. Thus the debate
over what to do. Sometimes it is worth a peek because the problem is as simple as a limb caught
in the bars of the baby bed. Other times it just them checking to be sure we will respond.
I bet all adoptive parents fudge a little on the "let them cry it out" rule.
You wonder, Are they thinking I've left them, did they have a bad dream, Do they think they are back at the babyhouse? All of which are probably not true.
They are probably just like any child, testing the limits a parent can stand to hear them cry, (and we know that)
So why do we give in and pick them up, rock them, tell them we love them and rub there little bottoms until they fall back to sleep? I could tell you something as simple as it makes us feel better but the answer is much deeper than that.
As we lie in bed listening to the cries and discussing what we should do, I can always hear it in Hollys voice, the catalyst that always makes us react in a manner that if viewed from the outside would be viewed as crazy.
We know they are alright, but what about the children we left behind. The children that will never have a parent to decide whether to let them cry or pick them up. Or the sadder fact that they will never really know the difference. Oh sure they know something's missing but the mystery of family will always elude them. When we hold our kids we hold 1000 kids we've never met and probably never will.
Maybe to comfort them or maybe to settle our own feelings of inadequacy,,, We race out of bed to hold Andrew and Elizabeth, or maybe let them hold us ...............
It's true, there is no real schedule to follow anymore. All of you that laughed at my comments
about settling into a routine were correct. And yet, there are many things I can count on now, even if you don't call it a routine.
1st, A smile always welcomes dad home! Whether from work or from just being outside I can count
on brightening someone's day just by walking into a room. Andrew and his 2 tooth grin or Elizabeth
and her happy snort tell dad that trouble lies in his future, How will I resist giving in to them?
Sometimes "mommy" is the one glad to see me. Glad there is another there to help bear the demands of our 2 little "Angels"!
Or sometimes when I come home the kids are asleep but the same principle
still holds true, someone's day is still brightened. "MINE" I can still go sneak a peek at our resting storms. How could that not melt you?
2nd, I can always count on certain questions when we meet people. Now before I tell you the questions I should give the disclaimer that I have probably asked the same type of questions and I understand why people do it. It's kinda like forgetting someone's name that you met 20 seconds ago. You didn't forget because your an idiot or insensitive (or both), You forget because instead of actually listening to the other person you are thinking about what you plan on saying the next time you get to speak.
With all that out of the way, I'll give you the typical 1st meeting.
Them - "Those children are absolutely adorable!!"
us - "Thank you very much"
Them - "Are they twins?"
Us - "No, they're 3 weeks part."
them - "So, are they brother and sister?"
Now this is the part I mean about planning what you say without thinking first. The answer is of course yes they are brother and sister but not how they mean it. They did not have the same birth mother. Or if they did she must have had quite a time in those 3 weeks that separate our kids ages. But they are now and will always be brother and sister.
The next thing people ask that confuses me is about whether the kids have started speaking in their native language yet. I wonder what they think their native language might be. Children learn what they hear and all they hear is English. Just because they were born in Kazakhstan doesn't mean they automatically know that language.
I hope nobody reading this takes offense, We find all of this very humorous and like I said, I have done the very same thing, asked questions like,
"do you know anything about her/his REAL mother/father." I thought I was just showing interest but I wonder how the "fake" parents felt about it.
3rd, I really love my kids. I always knew I would but until we were together I never understood how much. For now, Andrew and I have kinda teamed up and of course Elizabeth and Holly have become quite literally "joined at the hip". In a pinch or "crisis" either of us will do but if they are allowed to choose, that is how they prefer it. Someday I plan on making Elizabeth a daddies girl. But for now at least I will let Holly have her turn.
Make no mistake,,,These are our kids. We are their real parents. I believe God sent them to us just as sure as I am that he sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins! It just took us a little while to find each other. (It's a big world you know!)
Sometimes at night Andrew, or more recently Elizabeth will awaken us with their cries.
No parent wants their child to be afraid, but neither do they want them spoiled. Thus the debate
over what to do. Sometimes it is worth a peek because the problem is as simple as a limb caught
in the bars of the baby bed. Other times it just them checking to be sure we will respond.
I bet all adoptive parents fudge a little on the "let them cry it out" rule.
You wonder, Are they thinking I've left them, did they have a bad dream, Do they think they are back at the babyhouse? All of which are probably not true.
They are probably just like any child, testing the limits a parent can stand to hear them cry, (and we know that)
So why do we give in and pick them up, rock them, tell them we love them and rub there little bottoms until they fall back to sleep? I could tell you something as simple as it makes us feel better but the answer is much deeper than that.
As we lie in bed listening to the cries and discussing what we should do, I can always hear it in Hollys voice, the catalyst that always makes us react in a manner that if viewed from the outside would be viewed as crazy.
We know they are alright, but what about the children we left behind. The children that will never have a parent to decide whether to let them cry or pick them up. Or the sadder fact that they will never really know the difference. Oh sure they know something's missing but the mystery of family will always elude them. When we hold our kids we hold 1000 kids we've never met and probably never will.
Maybe to comfort them or maybe to settle our own feelings of inadequacy,,, We race out of bed to hold Andrew and Elizabeth, or maybe let them hold us ...............
posted by Sam and Holly at 12:36 PM
4 Comments:
sam: your mother and I have posted but our post did not post. I just wanted to say how impressed I am by your ability to write and you sound like a mighty fine father....
Poppy, this time your comments came through.
I'm glad everybody still checks this site every now and then and I'm glad you enjoy our little updates. I don't mean to make anyone cry when I write. this is just an outlet to release some things that pass through my head.
And yes, we will hold them when we can, it's good for all of us!!
Still love reading about and seeing pictures of my grands. I never tire of any of it. Keep it up as long as you can....love Mom
Hey Guys! Great site! Great pics! It's awesome to see these wonderful babies with the love of two great parents and all of those other super grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. It's incredible to think of the life you saved them from and the everlasting life they will one day know, and the love of the Lord as you all raise them in His love!
Keep up the good work!
John, Kathy, Tyler and Danielle
www.ironhillchurch.com
Post a Comment
<< Home